Half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herding space pirate

Monday, December 19, 2005

are you serious?

a pen shaped like a turd

can we sink any lower?

Friday, December 16, 2005

star wars quiz #1

1) who has the first line of "a new hope"? bonus points if you know the first 4 word sentence this character says.

2) name any/all actors/actresses to be credited in all 6 star wars movies.

3) what was luke's call sign in the first attack on the death star?

4) what was luke's call sign at the battle of hoth?

5) how many parsecs did it take the falcon to do the kessel run in?

6) what planet is chewbacca from?

7) what was the stormtrooper's call number that the death star technician radioed, when luke and han stole trooper armor suits and one of them acted like the transmitter didnt work?

8) what was jabba the hutt's spider monkey side-kick named?

9) what are the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field?

10) what is the name of the bounty hunter han solo killed in the mos eisley cantina?

bonus) what type of ship is the millenium falcon? (hint yt series)

good luck... and no using the internet to find the answers luke.

death by...

caffeine ... It would take 328.84 cans of Mountain Dew to put you down

so you might not enjoy... but i do...

here's a lil clip of the star wars galaxies game i play... i used to LOVE getting home to login and play for hours... i now find it a struggle to be interested in the game right now.... basically becauz of what you see here

ok so the intro is a bit long and has a lot of info that won't mean much to people who don't play the game, but the video accompanied by benny hill music is worth at least a few seconds of watching... shows how a jedi... supposed to be the most powerful character in star wars lore... is easily defeated by almost every creature out there...

insanity test

i got the highest score possible

so i need help

who wants to explicitly explain how to get the pirate picture i stole from stan to be in the header or side bar permanently?

movie review

ok so this is a few decades late. but i'm using netflix internet dvd rentals to promote my further laziness.


first off the dvd sleve said rated PG, but with the several nude scenes i doubt it would make PG with the freaking fcc. for anyone who hasn't seen this yet... it's set in the 23rd century, most likely post apocalyptic, where there is one big city left. people don't get married, and don't reproduce. children are grown/raised in what i would best describe as test tube pod baby clones. oh, and once you reach the age of 30, you get killed.

logan (aka basil exposition aka micheal york) is a "sandman" that tracks down and kills "runners". runners are those that have reached the age of 30 and don't want to go the "carousel"... which is supposed to be a chance to renew their lives... but it just ends up being a big collesuem where people watch the 30 yr olds float up into the sky and explode.

so logan gets a mission from the central computer to act like a runner and find this secret city where the runners supposedly go. he makes his way with the help of a damsel out of the main city to the tunnels/caverns below. which is where this weird robbie the robot guy tries to freeze them like all the other runners that have come past...

well i guess logan was the only runner ever to put up a fight cuz he beats this robot pretty easily. (there was also a scene just before this where they had been thru some water and were all wet, and get to the robot room where its arctic cold, so logan says lets get these clothes off so they dont freeze to us... nice cheap 70's way of showing boobies... hehehe... and there just happen to be a pile of animal skins there to wrap up in...)

well anways after they beat the robot guy thingy they drop the animal skins and run out in their clothes.... WTF? they took the clothes off... anywho... they get outside and end up in warshington DC that has been overrun with plant life... find some really old guy... they've never seen anyone older than 30... get the old dude to go back to the city.. stuff starts blowing up and all the people see the old guy and everyone is happy. the end.

do i reccommend this to anyone? well if you like the old school furturistic views of the 70's sure... but the clothes, sets, etc are kind of dated now... i like the idea of a society that limits its population and peoples ages... kind of different. kind of. if i had been my current age and seen this when it came out i probably would have loved it, but seeing it now... its just ok...


today is the first time in a LONG while i didnt fel like getting out of bed at all. then i remembered the 3 hours of OT i would not get paid for if i called out. so i struggled and muddled my way thru the morning to get to this point.

i got a nice lil headache, some weird chest pain/mucle spasm thing going on. my wrists ache from shaking samples all week. my knees hurt from standing and prepping samples all week. my back is sore becuz i am just a lil overweight. my feet hurt becuz i haven't bought some insoles for these new shoes yet.

and the worst part. i woke up at 2:30am with "those" pains. you know what i'm talkin about... the defcon 5 warning from your guts that tell you that you are going to explode one way or another very shortly. always lovely to wake up to. only slightly more irritating than the golf ball size muscle cramp/charlie-horse i woke up with on wednesday...

well, on the bright side, the day can only get better from here right?

well not according to my revenge of the sith novel... the darkness always overcomes the light... haha. think about it...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

little diddy i'd like to share

since Kate posted this, i wanted to share the full lyrics of dominic. hehe.

(THE ITALIAN CHRISTMAS DONKEY) (Allen / Merrell / Saltzberg) Lou Monte - 1967
Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Santa's got a little friend,
His name is Dominick.
The cutest little donkey,
You never see him kick.
When Santa visits his paisons,
With Dominick he'll be.
Because the reindeer cannot,
Climb the hills of Italy.
Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Jingle bells around his feet,
And presents on the sled.
Hey! Look at the mayor's derby,
On top of Dominick's head.
A pair of shoes for Louie,
And a dress for Josephine.
The labels on the inside says,
They're made in Brooklyn.
Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Children sing, and clap their hands,
And Dominick starts to dance.
They talk Italian to him,
And he even understands.
Cumpare sing, Cumpare su,
And dance 'sta tarantel.
When jusamagora comes to town,
And brings du ciuccianello.
Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)
Hey! Dominick! Buon Natale!
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)

busy busy

seems like they decided until now to try and get everything done before year's end. oh well. at least im getting paid well to do it. still feel beat to hell and tired as shyte tho.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

santa is a pirate!

stealing milk and cookies haphazardly... leaving crumbs like a trail to the booty.... he most certainly is a pirate... and look at the pirate lass elf maiden! what a piece!

Monday, December 12, 2005

bid on this!

a christmas story

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

smart ass...


Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

it's all too much!

there is so much good stuff in the works for tv/movies in the next 2 years... since stan introduced this site to me i'm on sensory overload... news about spiderman 3, hellboy 2, the HALO movie (with executive producer Peter Jackson???!!!), a movie that has jessica alba married to hayden christensen (see i KNEW i should have beefed up and got acting classes to play anakin!) an aquaman tv series, a blade tv series, ahhh its too much for a geek to handle.

and that's not even mentioning superman returns and mission impossible 3 next year. ok so cruise is gay. and katie is stupid for marrying him. but the MI movies are still cool.

speilberg announced jurassic park 4, and said that indiana jones 4 is being written and harrison ford will return in it. resident evil 3 and 4 are also in the works.

it's geek-heaven!


fantastic four 2 has been announced. yay for jessica! yay for dave watching jessica!

so shouldn't the title really be fantastic 42?

i done run over it!

ok so driving in to work this morning the guys on the morning radio show i listen to (preston and steve) were talking about running over plastic garbage bags and them getting burned onto the exhaust and stinking up the car. well then some callers called in and gave similar stories. and then some different ones rolled in... like the guy who ran over something and then heard a clunking noise from the wheel well and decided to get out and check and found a strap on dildo wrapped arond the wheel.

anywho, all this got me to thinking of any weird stuff i migth have run over on the roads. i managed once to run over some huge ass hunk of metal and not get a flat from it while the 5 or 6 cars off the side of the road not to far in front of it managed to catch one or even 2 flat tires.

i remember being in the car with my cousin once driving out in the boonies near his house, his one neighbor had a ton of cats... well this one happened to be dead center in the middle of the road and we're going 55 or so... i see the eyes look at us then hear *THUNK THUNK*. when we came back later the cat couldn't be seen so it either survived or the other cats feasted on it... who knows.

i centered the car over a blown tire on the road once and luckily it did no damage, or none that i ever found.

i don't think i personally ever ran over any animals. or people.

anybody else ever ran over anything unique? or have any good running over stuff stories?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

MLB 5 hours early...

the evidence i leave stuff on the floor far too long

i would say me in my stormtrooper costume... but its just an action figure.... so....

so i forgot...

sitting here watching empire strikes back and realize i forgot a part of the line....

it's actually..

Stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy looking, nerf herder...

but i guess i'll let it slide since i added space pirate...

oh wells

Thursday, December 08, 2005

i found these amusing

britney gets nekkid

germany teaches us how babies are made

doubt either would be good to look at while at work....

christmas funnies

christmas with the chins

BK christmas


ok so once a year i try to reconcile all the bad stuff i do the entire year by giving a bag of food to support my local radio station's campout for hunger. I stopped by after work yesterday and almost as soon as i get out of the car someone is there to take the bag of food. they are always pretty well setup. this year they had a big ass tent to shelter them from the wind and cold... previous years they kind of had a wall-less roof over their heads. the 2 dj's that host spend the night in an RV for a week and take donations from like 6am till about 10pm or so. i give the guys props for getting the community rallied to helping others. last year they got 76 tons of food donated... anyways after i did my civic duty i went next door to best buy and spent $120 on myself... no better way to help others than to make yourself happy right? more on what i bought later...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


same old shit different day.

not much going on today. can't think of anything worthwile to bitch about, or anything exciting to spread the love about...

maybe later...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

why i hate people.... aka another reason im going to hell...

So i'm standing in line at wendy's last night and this older lady is in front of me. at first she is correcting the young kids in front of her to chew their gum with their mouths closed because it will make them look more intelligent and less like a cow. I got a grin, but wondered what the kids were going to say back to her, but they just got their stuff and left. so she turns around and says i have stomach and lung cancer and i never smoked a day in my life. im going in for surgery on thursday.

WTF do you say to that?

luckily the guy behind me said something to her, but she goes on and on about different stuff.. mainly because the cashier has disappeared..

then she starts talking about how she worked for the army for 32 years, and that to lose weight they ate hard boiled egg whites without the yolks.... she looks at me and says you dont have to be proud of that watermelon... zipper up that jacket.

now thanks to my parents i try to be respectful to most people... but when you are going to be out and out crude or disrespectful to me... i draw the line...

i try to be nice and say the zipper is broken.... while thinking.... and here's why im going to hell... i hope you die during your surgery.

ok so i could stand to lose say even 35-40 lbs... but i have always had a big build and im so fucking sorry that i have to occassionaly take prescription pills that drive my appetitte thru the roof. however, i by no means consider myself one of these walking whales that are quite common throughout philly.

i have every intention of getting into a workout routine again... if i could ever get access to the damn fitness center here at ork... but that a whole nother story.

anyways... this old hag rubbed me the wrong way, and shes only lucky to be living thanks to my parents, cuz i was so tempted to cold-cock knock her out her right there in the middle of wendys.

as a side bar... i also hate people taht walk in the middle of the god damn street because it is clean and the sidewalk has a dusting of snow on it. do they have no clue that they are impeding traffic? and are putting their lives at stake if there does happen to be an icy patch and the car slides a little??

anyways... i generally hate people...

jay i know you are feeling me on this one...

ok *rant off* go ahead and try to save my soul... or not

Monday, December 05, 2005

fantasy football woes

ahhh what the hell?

i had a nice long post bitching and whining about how my fantasy football team is going to crap and its all mcnabb's fault... and it didnt show... its gone forever and im not retyping it..

once again its all mcnabbs fault...


I changed HTML... yay

ok so I finally changed the links section *points over to the right and down a bit*

and i didnt even mess up the rest of the html coding. i'm so proud.

*gives himself a hug and a pat on the shoulder*

i havent muddled with html in years. i forgot how easy it is to do the basic stuff...

now if you feel you deserve a spot on the list, feel free to bash me... verbally, physically, mentally, telekinetically, from another plane of existence, from another planet, with meteors, or whichever other way you want...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

beat ya'll this week

Friday, December 02, 2005

stolen from too many references to name...

7 Celebrity crushes: Jessica Alba, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Lacey Chabert, Kristin Kreuk, Natalie Portman, Brooke Burke, and Shannon Elizabeth.
(this was extremely tough to limit to 7 so the honorable mentions go to... eliza dushku, alyssa milano, katie holmes, sarah michelle gellar, heidi klum, jen anniston, ali landry, jessica biel, shakira, jamie pressly, keira knightley, amy smart, mischa barton, elisha cuthbert, and kate beckinsale)

7 Things I'm good at: eating, drinking, sleeping, shootin' the shit, self love, pooping, and breathing.

7 Things I plan to do before I die: get married, have kids, move into a "real" house, skydive, travel the world, own a ford mustang, and fart so bad and smelly that it clears out an entire house at least for a few minutes.

7 Things I cannot do: 1)tailor/hem pants, 2)touch my tongue to my nose, 3)reach my left arm kind of up but behind my back and reach right arm down and behind back to get hands to meet in middle of my back.... can do it the other way though... weird, 4)remember all the things i needed to about drugs in pharmacology class, 5)figure out if a woman is flirting or just being friendly, 6)dance, 7)not be anal about stuff.

7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex: great smile, brown eyes, dark hair, great sense of humor, intelligence, tits and ass.

7 Things I say often:
what the fuck
mother fucker
god fuckin dammit
jesus fucking christ
no fucking way
holy fucking shit

most people probably never hear me say these things cuz they all happen driving to/from work when i'm alone. but i can guarantee they are each said at least twice a day.

the honeymoon is over...

So i have enjoyed the realitely leisurely pace of training at the new job until yesterday. when me and another newbie kinda got thrown into the lions den. well not really. but it was a very abrupt change to say the least. and its going to seriously cut down on internet time at work... i'll probably be lucky to sneak in a post a day. not to say that i am upset. i'd rather be doing work earning my keep. but i feel i will be letting ya'll down for the next 2 months or so. becuz after we finish this project right before christmas, i was given word we start a new project right after new years. so no worries all is well in the land of the star wars freak, just busier than it has been for a while.

peace out homies!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

today's lesson ..... 1337 speek

being an online multiplayer gamer, well sort of, i only play one... i found myself reading up on some gaming forums for tips now and then. what i strolled across bewildered me at first. apparently the "youts" of america (and maybe elsewhere) have developed their own typing style for these online games/forums. i suppose its posible that it extends beyond teenagers, but for the sake of my post we will limit it to the poor youths that need some real parenting... such as someone who say created this (which i find extremely funny, but at the same time makes me afraid of the future).


i'll give you a few 1337 speek examples and let you peruse a site or 2 for more help understanding our troubled online community..

1337= leet=elite

joo rOxxOrs mah sOxxOrs= you rock my socks

pwnd, p'wn= owned (this started because some code writer mishit a key when typing text for a game)

dave ist teh nOOb= dave is stupid

anyways people can actually write paragragh posts is this stuff.... it hurts my brain just looking at it... here are a couple links if you want to look into it further...



i tried to find a suitable post in the forums of my game, but sadly they re-vamped it 2 weeks ago and it seems all the 1337 kids quit it as the game is dying....


i did manage to find this string from one of my game forums that has a small presentation in Ostisc's post (about 5th one down)