blonde joke

> A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to
her

> mother overseas.
>
> When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed:
>
> "But I don't have that much money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a
> Message to my mother."
>
> The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
>
> "Anything?" he asked.
>
> "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
>
> 'Well, then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the
next
> room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
>
> "Come in and close the door" the man said.
>
> She did.
>
> He then said, "Now get on your knees."
>
> She did.
>
> "Now take down my zipper."
>
> She did.
>
> "Now go ahead ... Take it out ...," he said.
>
> She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ... Then paused.
>
> The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well ... Go ahead."
>
> The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it
close
> to her lips, tentatively said...........
>
> "Hello, Mom, can you hear me?"

BWA HA HA!

First Date

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates..but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.
The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down...
Or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.

want some candy little girl?

so its supposed to look like an old shelby mustang... and be very fuel efficient... lol

i'll take the girl anyways...

best joke in a long time

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are drinking in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air,

pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In

Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the

same one twice".
The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his

glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses

that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in
one drink, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots
the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar,

and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal

Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones

twice."

God Bless America !

the man puttin us down again

so i guess effective july 14th or somebody decided that the prices of airing radio on the internet is going to explode. so most radio stations wont be airing radio over the net anymore.

wmmr is pushing hard or petitions and for people to sign at http://www3.capwiz.com/saveinternetradio/issues/alert/?alertid=9738601

i dont believe it will work, but who knows,

hopefully at least launchcast will still work...

or i'll have to bring cd's to work...

oh wells

Implications of being tagged

Here are the rules:

a. Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.

b. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.

c. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1) I graduated high school with a GPA higher than 4.0, but was upset that a couple of my classmates were closer to 5.0... thanks AP classes.

2) I have broken laws but never been arrested.

3) I spend money on instant gratification items. Then the gratification fades so I have to buy more stuff.

4) I started going grey when I was 17.

5) I'd love to meet a woman that doesn't want to make me get rid of any of my stuff.

6) I have very good luck except when i bet against friends.

7) I'm really much more of a sexist/racist than people realize.

8) I have no one else to tag for this blogger thing.

toofers are out

got there, waited around 15 mins or so they call me back and start hooking me up to contraptions... a blood pressure cuff, something on my wrist that was like a clamp style bracelet (no idea what that was) IV in left arm, strap my arms down to the chair... lol so i didnt wake up swinging. put the O2 thing over my nose and i was out... i wake up with a mouth full of gauze and everyhting felt funny because of the novacaine

set me in a lil room until my "escorts" showed up.

so far so good. i switched out my gauze every half hour like they said, but i think i'm kind of still bleeding a little. oh well.

back to my movies and ice packs

my sith queen...

she was listening to hayden talk and she appeared to be there by herself...

feel free to hook me up if you know her... haha

my comic con goddess

Hayden Panettiere

ok so shes only 17 until late august... you know she loves the cock..

i cant believe it...

stan didnt post an i cant wait till friday's convention post...

what is the world coming to?

he gets a huge boner.... for a convention hall full of guys....

i walk behind him. and look for chicks,

that stare at his pants.

and try to convince them i'm bigger...

sick days

so what do you do on your sick days? lay in bed, on the couch? watch tv, movies?

whats your fave soup, ramen noodles?

preferred cold medicine?

visit the doc or no?

think if dying would be easier then dealing with the snot running out of your nose into your mouth?

pray for divine intervention?

how do you deal?

what type are you?

every once in a while you come to realize things about yourself. i finally picked up on one for myself this weekend.

i don't finish what i start. at least when its not part of my salaried job.

the attic i started working on 3 years ago... still not done. changes to diet have been abandoned several times, workout plans come and go like the wind, plans to get rid of debt fade like a sunset...

what does any of this mean?

absolutely nothing really.

it means i'm lazy.

and getting fat.

and might eventually be broke.

but i'll enjoy the trip getting there.

i think

idiots...

so shortly after getting to work yesterday, a mass email goes out that the power may be turned off at any time for up to 2 hours due to a squirrel finding its way into a power box and blowing a fuse.

so it basically meant work, but don't do anything that will be affected if the power goes out... which means not much for most of my dept.

after lunch i was feeling "frisky" so i emailed the boss this:

Is there anything that can be done to control squirrel activities? We can't start sample runs for fear the power will go out. It is really disrupting our work.

his reply:

Excellent point, this is the true spirit of human vs. nature. I guess so far, unless for a price (shielding, backup, etc.), we sometimes have to surrender to a squirrel, or T'storm for that matter. Do you best and wish for even better! :-)

i'm still debating if he was trying to be funny, or if he is really that stupid.
regardless i was laughing for a good five minutes.

thank god im a brunette

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread allover
the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box,
then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything
resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", He sighed,................

Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box.

optimash prime

party like a rock star

sometimes your team just can't catch a break...

oh my god! my car isnt this fast

one especially for michelle

jeep

memorial day sentiments late..

watch this

you're not american if you don't get teary eyed!