Half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herding space pirate

Thursday, August 31, 2006

poor macaque...

dear god why didnt i think of this?


and a not as good video2

the real video

neat video on treadmills

pick a pack of peckered peppers


Wednesday, August 30, 2006

what the hell got into me?

ok so barring this weekend where i was 300 miles away from my house to visit my parents...

i have been spending a LOT of my time cleaning, organizing, fixing-up my house. I don't know where the motivation came from. i don't know how long it will last. i know there is a LOT more that needs to be done.

i have hardly played my beloved star wars galaxies at all for 2 weeks now. ok, you say so what... consider this: over the last 2 years i probably averaged about 20+ hours a week playing that game... no joke.

i have been dying to wash and wax the car again, but the rain just keeps coming up at the wrong times.

so where the hell did this cleaning/fixing stuff idea/motivation come from?

heaven forbid i meet a woman now and she thinks this is the wa i always am. i'll be screwed forever! well maybe thats not the right way to put that. screwed every once in a while. hopefully. and habitually cleaning.

Friday, August 25, 2006

you're spinning out of control, out of control

ok so its almost a week late, but i tried my first spinning class monday. you spinners are frickin nutz!

i could hardly walk at the end of the class. i did like 5 laps walking around the gym to catch my breath and the rest of the class walked out like it was nuthin!


i was stiff as hell the next day. and 2 days after i felt totally drained.

by the way for those that don't know what spinning is... its just riding an exercise bike while on crack. stand up, hold the handle bar in different spots, go as fast as you posibly can, turn the tension up as high as it will go... etc.

it was a great workout. i just don't think i'm quite in shape enough to do it once a week yet.

the group was impressed that i actually finished the class on my first try. the only reason that happened is before class they said just try and see if you can finish the class. apparently some people can't make it thru. well i'm too fucking stubborn to be totally shown up by a bunch of sissy boys or by women.

really hot women.

in tight clothes.

yes i'll be going back for more.

hot women.

in tight clothes.

very tight.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006


dop do wee dop dop dwee dow

i feel your pain brother

too good not to pass on. props to gen


Friday, August 18, 2006

note to parents. (no one that reads this in particular)

so i am enjoying my delicious dinner at wendy's last night, yes i sat in the restaurant, alone, because i was trying to waste enough time in plymouth meeting after work to avoid the rush hour traffic on 76. what was i doing in plymouth meeting after work? none of your business. thats between me, the hotel desk clerk and whatever her name was...

just kidding, i had to go to barnes and nobles to get a fantasy football draft cheat book, and then best buy, etc...

anywho... so i'm enjoying my cheddar lovers bacon cheeseburger when i hear this kid SCREAMING at the top of his lungs up at the counter while his parents order. i don't even bother to look. next thing you know the fuckers sit down right next to me. WHAT THE FUCK?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is a total of one other person in the whole dining area and you sit next to me. and you cant fucking keep your kid rom crying/whining?


i didnt pay for this shit. go sit your stupid 19 yr old ass somewhere else. its not my fault you're too fucking stupid to use a condom. don't make me pay for your stupidity.

so take into consideration the other people when you go to a public place. if you can keep crying kids, and even the ones that aren't crying away from guys sitting there by themselves. you never know who we could be.
myself, i eat kids for dinner.


ok, not really.
but 5 more minutes of that kid and i would have snapped his mom's and dad's neck along with his.

/rant off

Thursday, August 17, 2006

you know you're from Pittsburgh and/or Pennsylvania when...

You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has always been "Jersey." You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA."

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.

You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Didyoueatyet?)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna, Allegheny, and Monongahela.

You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays.

You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."

At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you.

You consider an exotic vacation to be a trip to Ocean City, Virginia Beach, or Myrtle Beach.

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, Blue, White, Brown, Gold.

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."

You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?"

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey.

You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan.

"Hey Yuz Guyz" is your traditional greeting.

You eat out at least once a week at a mafia-owned Italian pizza parlor.

Your father has worked for the same company for over 20 years.

" N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence.

You're more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own.

You own more than one original Terrible Towel.

You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave.

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's.

For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing...

Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; and gumband actually mean something to you.

You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside.

You often go down to the "crick".

You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush".

You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state.

You've ever "warshed" or "wershed" the laundry.

You know you can't drive too fast on back roads,cause-udda-deer.

You've told someone to "quit jaggin around".

You hear "you guyses", or "yins" and don't think twice.

You know what a still mill is.

You go 'food shoppin' at 'Jine Iggle'.

You believe that "Ize" is the abbreviaton for "I was.

You punctuate every sentence with, "You know" at least twice.

You realize that your favorite dessert is "wooder ice".

You find yourself using "yo" and "youse guys" when talking long-distance to family members.

You pronounce ACME "ACK-A-ME".

You find youself at a nice restaurant thinking "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?"

You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.

You can't eat french fries without Cheese Whiz.

You don't think Wawa sounds funny.

A vacation at the Jersey shore (pronounced "Down the shoore") is better than going to an island (there's more stuff to do, plus you know everybody.)

You know that only tourists go to Geno's, Pat's and Jim's for authentic cheese steaks.

You know what and where "Boathouse Row" is

You will buy a pretzel from anyone, anywhere without even thinking of where it was - or where his hands have been.

You don't know what a sub is, but you think they are trying to describe an imitation HOAGIE.

You have the pizza place on speed dial.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.

taken from http://www.blogthings.com/wherefrom.html

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

sounds good to me!

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Taliban
male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he
must commit suicide if he does.

So this Saturday at 4 p.m. eastern time all American
women are asked to walk out of their house completely
naked to help weed out any neighborhood
terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this
anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, and to demonstrate that they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.

And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack or a fifth of Johnny Walker Black at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God bless America.

-->make it a GREAT day!!

Monday, August 14, 2006

say it aint so

i was hoping i was dreaming but no.
it was still there this morning.
yep. sally got injured already.
not too bad though. looks like some little turd riding a bicycle caught the back of my car with a handle bar. i think it scratched all the way through the paint though. and i can't even go to somebody and say pay for it your kid scratched my car because there are 3 families of kids and they all ride bikes. however as i was washing and trying to buff out the scratch i did make it known to all three families that i saw the scratch and thought it was from a bicycle, so hopefully the fuckers will stay away from it. but i doubt it.

Thursday, August 10, 2006


You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at your same speed. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at your same speed. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.
* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

i can only hope...

new pill

please, please, please work!!!

or at least make it keep stupid people from reproducing...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

and even more...

thinking about the bathroom post, i thought up more "issues" i have...

don't talk to me while i'm in there. it's just not right. i don't care what it is, it can wait till im not in the bathroom. if im pissing and the urinal, ok say hi, but nothing more. i like to look people in the eye when i talk to them and sometimes you just need to break eye contact. in this situation you have nowhere else to look.

make it easy, no talking in the bathroom.

another issue, when im done taking a dump, i really don't want to see who else is in there to hear/smell what i just did. i try to time leaving the stall/washing my hands so no one else is in there, or they are in the middle of their "business", and don't see me. it pisses me off to no end when you try to get the timing down, because someone else is there, and it seems like they intentionally then try to finish the same time as you. dud! what the fuck? you where in here before i was and have been reading the paper for 10 minutes, so why the sudden rush to finish the same time as me.

golden rule to follow. if you hear wiping do not start to wipe. wait till they are done and have washed their hands and left before you get ready to leave.

hmmm i was thinking of more earlier... i forget now though. maybe i'll add more later...

more on bathroom etiquette...

first do this provided u aren't at work where you can't download program files. i hope this is the test i saw a while back.

in case you forgot, i have an, hmmmm, affinity for bathroom etiquette talk... see here

well, i figured it's time to rant about people not knowing how to use a public restroom.

the men's room is probably a little different, but i'm sure it applies to ladies as well. for the sake of making it easy. we'll go with the 3 urinals next to the 3 stalls setup.

when you are the only one in there, u pick one of the end urinals. if you take the middle you force someone to stand next to you. i naturally assume any guy standing in the middle of 3 urinals is a fag. and i go to piss in a stall in that case. if the stalls are full, i wash my hands, and then go find another bathroom.

same goes for the stalls. always take the one on the end, farthest away from the entry door for the bathroom. in case someone else has to come in, there is space between you and them. provided they aren't a complete asshat and sit in the stall next to you. in which case you are almost required to make as much verbal noise and bodily function noises as you can (grunts and groans and/or loud and wet farts). and fuck the courtesy flush, they deserve to be stunk out.

the middle stall should only ever be used for emergencies in reality. if both of the other stalls are occupied, and you GOTS TO GO, then its ok to use, otherwise, it is just there as decoration.

spread the word. some people obviously have no clue.

since i forgot...

update on the whole neighbor/siding/kitchen ceiling leaking/roof situation...

i hired a guy to come fix the whole that the neighbors left when they decided to put new siding on me house without asking. ok so it cost me $150. oh well. last friday i get home and the ceiling was still leaking. i guess the roof has been "compromised". guess i need to get a roofer out to look at that before i get the kitchen re-done. unfortunately the insurance co. can't pay for any damages external from weather damage, just internal stuff... i dunno how that works...

the insurance company has already cut me a check for the kitchen... I got a nice chunk to get it re-done. if i spend wisely, i might be able to swing a new fridge since i think mine might be acting up.

anyways the insurance company is paying me to fix the damages, then they are going after the neighbors and/or their contractors for the money they had to pay out. whatever. at least i didnt have to get a lawyer.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

glad my parents taped me


note to self

buy smallville season 5 and office season 2 on dvd on sept 12th.

Don't forget... or else!!!!!