Half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herding space pirate

Monday, November 26, 2007

white ely update

i found my gift on black friday. i can't say what it is because attendees read here. but at least i got a decent gift. well it's decent in my cheesy style.

i also spent plenty on myself on black friday... bought 3 wii games for myself (big brain academy, star wars lego complete series, and wiiplay), a remote control transformers helicopter (that chewie loves to watch, but freaks out when it gets near him), a cheap ass cordless drill, a set of walkie talkies, some dvds, some camera memory cards. all kinds of instant gratification items that make me feel warm and fuzzy for about 5 minutes.

my 15.1 lbs turkey was decent and i got tons of leftovers. i think i threw away the wishbone. so i don't have it to go with the last 4 from the previous thanksgivings i spent alone.


Saturday, November 17, 2007


choo chooo

watch the video

how long can you watch this before you go insane?

preston and steve and crew- chicken and ham

based off

the terrance and phillip original

Thursday, November 15, 2007

the people hater in me made me pass this email along


I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it
lovingly with seed.

Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the bird shit. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ...

Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own

And others birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be ... quiet, serene
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care, and free
education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic

Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free services; small apartments
are housing 5 or more families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by a doctor in an emergency room
because it is filled with illegals;
your child's 2nd grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak

Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
'press one' to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than 'Old Glory' are
squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.

Its just my opinion but:

maybe, just maybe,
it's time for the government
to take down the damn bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on; if not,
continue cleaning up the shit!

hillbillies r funny

Never Choke, in a restaurant, in the South

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind LickManeuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

If you don't send this to five friends, there will five fewer people laughing in the world !!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

white elephant

i have to start thinking of good gift ideas for this years' gift exchange.

toss your ideas out here...

stan made some posts to his blog so i guess the petition worked.

so now i will petition to have some philadelphia sports team win a national championship.... anybody listening?

i will also petition that the patriots lose to the steelers in week 14.

and finally i petition that the wii gets some sort of download function for guitar hero 3. i need more songs yo!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

stan's blog is dead.

respond and sign the petition to cut him off until he posts on his blog regularly. cut him off from what? hcrealms. ebay. oxygen. you choose...