Half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herding space pirate

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

injured reserve

so i went chip and putt golfing monday and played softball tuesday. somewhere in there i really fouled up my left hand. at one point i couldn't move my middle or ring finger. and now my left hand hurts pretty much from my wrist up to my middle finger.

no clue at all what i did to make this hand hurt.

maybe i should just cut it off....

Monday, May 22, 2006


ok so i getup and head out to a little shin-dig sat afternoon, when im leaving i notice a nice fucking dent on the front quarter panel of my car just behind the wheel. its bent the metal just enough so i can't open the passenger door, so not fixing it is not an option. and there was no note left on my car at all. it didnt happen at the party becuz that side of the car was away from the road. so one of my fucking asshat neighbors did it friday and doesn't have the balls to fess up.

do i ?

a) go shit on the hoods of each of their vehicles until someone fesses up?

b) let the air out of their tires every day for the next 10 years?

c) through bricks at their house windows?

d) be a pussy do nothing and pay for the repairs myself and never say anything to my neighbors again?

Friday, May 19, 2006

how dave feels today...

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Friday, May 12, 2006

you can beat me senseless if i ever say anything like this...

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. `````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark ``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
And . "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca ```````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor .
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ````````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Monday, May 01, 2006

monday leg blog... kind of...

the at home sick in bed version...

bad joke of the day...

>>Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
>>>>Now, think about it......

>>>>Answer, 10 little piggies
>>>>>>>>2 calves,
>>>>>>>>1 ass,
>>>>>>>>and an unknown number of hares.

>>>>>>>>>>Now, I bet you didn't know that !!!!!!!