brace yourself

let it be stated for the record, that this was sent to my brother approximately half an hour after my previous email to him, (before i took a poop). and that this is at least 5 years old... and was titled my greatest email ever...


ok i just got off the toilet and had one of those revelations like smart scientific dudes, or zany writers of austin powers. like what if you got the email i sent five minutes ago (before i took a poop) already? i was expecting you to not get it until the morning of friday oct 26th. but it is entirely possible that you had to come back and check email and saw it already. in which case you might be severely disappointed that friday morning as there would be no new mail from me sitting there for you. this could cause you not to send me a new email and therefore i might not send one back. this mightgo on until one of us goes beserk wondering why the other didn't send a new email until someone breaks the chain and sends a new email. BUT, what if we both sent a new email at exactly the same time, and stuff that one said countered/answered/co-incided with what the other said? then, even more strangely, what if we both replied at the same time? we might start a never ending string of emails, each more confusing than the last as i try to answer your questions from a past email while a the future set of questions is already there in my mail box. in which case, you might get totally dumbfounded and your brain might "lock-up" as multitudes of "bad" information came to you a day late.

you might end up in a mental institute, all because the email chain was somehow cosmically re-arranged and was skewed into an alternate time-line. on the other hand i could be the one to become totally dysfunctional, as the questions or comments you make relate to the email of a day or two before hand,where i have to go back and dig thru my mailbox, hopingthat i had not deleted said message to find out what you are talking about. i could become manaical (sp?). i might go on a craze where i walk throughout philly with the strange "where am i look" that homeless people often have. i could be lost to all civilization and even humanity as no one in this city really cares who you are if you haven't done something super neat for them. even stranger is the thought that somehow an email each of us sent is temporarily delayed in delivery. much like an ordinary letter you might send through the U.S. mail, that fell behind a counter, or got put in the wrong bag, and ends up getting to its' destination weeks later than it should have. but usually in that case, it is just a random letter that someone sent to someone else talking about this and that and nothing really, but also everything at the same time. But, in this new world where email travels quicker than lightning, getting that letter out of order might disrupt a whole persons day, or even week. they might stay online a bit longer, wondering where their reply email was. and then just before they logoff, they think, i'll just check my email one more time. then remember something else they wanted to check online and perpetuate the amount of time they spend online. it could become a vicious cycle, and result in that person not performing other tasks they are supposed to accomplish. But getting back to both of our letters being delayed, what would we then do? we might both think the other is not replying again. which might bring us near to the beginning of falling out of sequence with emails. which i have already discussed the problems with. but on the other hand, what if the letters got delayed just long enough to allow us to "catch up" with the emails and no longer be answering queries out of order and a day late? we would then be in perfect harmony. and might cause the revelation of a new existence of lifestyle. we might cause the beginning of shangri-la (the perfectplace). all might become one with zen and karma would spread equal among all. the human race would have never known a better time. and it would all be the result of a series of emails. think of the possibilities. so as i attempt to reach my point, which there definitely is one, even though you thought I am probably just rambling on and on droning about mission statements and such, I come to the realization that every email is significant. even though i am not fortunate enough to hear the little AOL "you've got mail" i still get the warm and tingly feeling when i get a letter from someone i know. Which is a totally different feeling than when I recieve a letter from some guy named "spam". of which recently i have been getting more and more of every day. these emails bring about feelings of hate and anger, which i know are the beginings of my trip down the dark path, that will forever dominate my destiny. but i try to delete all these "piece o' junk" emails and control my outrage that someone knows how to get to my secret identity on the internet. it's as if they just snuck into my apartment while i was sleeping and peeked into my wallet to find out my name, not taking anything valuable, except my name, which may be the most valuable thing they could take, depending on your point of view. but, getting back to trying to get to the point of this whole email is that how important are the random thoughts we have each day? they lead into our minds one after another and can take us to places we never thought possible, but always dreamed about. my real question is how many of us are actually willing to follow these random thoughts or to verbalize them? I would hope that you understand by now that i am one of the lucky few who can, and more importantly does. is it this concept that keeps me sane in an insane world? or is it the genius that the insane lament? i'm not quite sure. but i do also realize that this rare ability has also lead me to other rare abilities. like the ability to watch others and realize what they are thinking as they hustle on by like dust in the wind. they pay no attention to me, but i pay all my attention to them. i see the significance in a single leaf falling from the tree and hitting the ground after tumbling for what can seem like seconds to me, but maybe a lifetime to the leaf itself. so as i leave you with all these things to contemplate, I will give you the final most important message that I meant to give you way back after the part about messing up the order of emails, so here it is:

Kids, DON'T SMOKE CRACK! and if you all hadn't known this before I am sure you will never forget it. thank you for your time and patience, of listening to the non-sensical ramblings of a lunatic madman.